THE NOT SO DEEP SOUTH 2000-10

GEETINGS FIENDS AND KIN OF DEE MILLER-YONKIN CLAN. IT IS I PETE AKA PETRONIOUS AKA DEE WEBMASTER AKA THE 20 CLAWS OF CALAMITY—COUNT 'EM—NOT 1, NOT 2, NOT 3—WELL YOU GET DEE IDEA, BUT 20—DAT'S 20 CLAWS OF KALAMITY. DIS IS MY FURST SOLO CHRISTMAS LETTER. I ALMOST DIDN'T RITE IT KAUSE I UNDERSTAND DAT DER WERE SOME COMPLANTS ABOUT LAST YEAR'S LETTER. BUT DEN I FIGURE IT'S DEE LEASH I KAN DO FUR DEE BIG FURRY ONE WHO HAS BEEN MY MENTOR, AN TEECHER AND PERSPIRATION OVER THE YEARS. DUCK-CHEESE IS IN DOGGY HEAVEN NOW AN NO DOUBT WATCHIN ME WIT PRIDE AS I KNOCK OUT DIS EPISTLE ON HER OLD KEYBORD, AN AFTER ALL IT IS DE YEAR OF DA TIGER, SO WAT IS MORE FITTIN DAN A KAT, AN MIGHT I ADD KNOT JEST ANY OLE KAT, NOT ZOOSE 4 EXAMPILL, BUT I PETRONIUS WHO HAS HAD DIS AWESOME RESPAWN—RESPANDABILL-RESXN—TASK THRUST UPON IM. OK, SO MUCH FOR DE INTRO. NOW WAT? LET ME CHEX DE NOTES HERE DAT DEE DOG LEFT ME. HMMMM—SAY SOME BAD THINGS ABOUT KATS. DAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE. MUST BE A TYPO OR SOMTHIN. AH, HEAR WE GO. TELL WHAT FAMILY DID THIS PAST YEAR. OK. DAT'S EASY ENUFF.

DUCK-CHEESE HELPED ME RITE LAST YEAR'S LETTER, DID WHATEVER IT IS DOGS DO, WENT TO DOGGY HEAVEN, AN IS GHOST-RITIN DIS LETTER.

I SLEPT, ATE, USED DE LITTER BOXES, BATTED AROUND THE FAKE MICE AND UPDATED DE WEBSITE.

ZOOSE SLEPT, ATE, USED DE LITTER BOXES.

DEREK IS KEEPIN DE LITES ON AT DE LOUIEVILLE ACKTORS THEATRE. JEAN, JIM AN DEVON JORNEYED WEST LAST DEKEMBER TO CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS WIT DEREK AN DEY PLAN 2 DO IT AGIN DIS YEAR. AFTER BEIN HOME 4 A MONTH, DEREK SPENT DE SUMMER ALLEGEDLY DOIN SUMMER STOCK (THEATRE) AT THE HOPE REPERTORY SUMMER THEATER IN MICHICAN—ALTHOU BY ALL REPORTS IT SOUNDED MORE LIKE A PAID SUMMER VACATION. HE IS EXPLORIN GOIN TO GRAD SKOOL NEXT YEAR IN THEATER DESIGN.

DEVON IS IN HER SENIOR YEAR IN MECKANICAL ENGINEARIN AT VIRGINNY COMMONWEALTH UNIVERSITY (HOOS FOOTBALL TEEM IS STILL UNDEFEETED). LIKE JIM SHE IS GOIN OVER TO DE DARK SIDE—PLANTING TO GO TO GRAD SKOOL NEXT YEAR AN STUDY NUKLEER ENGINEERIN. SHE SPENT DE SUMMER WORKIN ON THE NUCLEER STIMULATOR AT SKOOL—WHATEVER DAT IS?

JEAN IS STILL HERDIN MUNCHKINS AT KREATIVE LERNIN CENTER. SOME DAYS SHE SAYS THAT HERDIN KATS WUD BE EASIER BUT CONSIDIN DE TUFF TIME SHE HAS HERDIN ZOOSE AN I, I DON'T TINK SHE MEANS IT. DIS SUMMER SHE SUPERVISED REDOIN DE HOUSE. IT WAS CONFUSIN AT FURST BECAUSE ZOOSE AN I ARE INDOOR KATS AN WE KUDINT UNDERSTAND WAT HAPPENED TO DE OLDE KITCHEN.

JIM IS STILL RETIRED BUT U WUDINT NO IT BEKAUSE HE NOW HAS 2 OFFICES—ONE WEAR HE USED TO WORK AND ONE AT THE UNIVERSITY WEAR DEVON IS. I THIN DEVON'S REALLY SMART KAUSE SHE'S WORKED IT SO DAT SHE NEVER HAS HER DAD FOR A KLASS.

OK, NOW WAT? LET ME CHEX DE DOG'S NOTES AGIN. DON'T MAKE BAD JOKES. WATCH THE PUNS. DON'T MENTION THE SIMPSONS, LADY GAGA, RELIGION, POLITCS… POLITICS--DAT REMINDS ME, I'M WRITIN A BOOK ON DE GOVERNMENT. I KALL IT DE AUDACITY OF DOPE. LET'S SEE—WHAT ELSE? WISH EVERYONE A MERRY CHRISTMAS. OK. WE HEAR AT THE MILLAR-YOUNKIN CLAN WISH U AN URS DE BESTEST CHRISTMAS EVER. OH, YEAH, AN A HAPPY GNU YEAR.

P.S. OBLIGATORY VITAL SADISTICS:

ADDRESS: 204 TAMARACK ROAD, RICHMOND, VA 23229

PHONE: 804-741-9973 (CALL ANYTIME NITE OR DAY—KATS STANDIN BY—WE'RE INDOOR KATS SO WEAR ELSE R WE GONNA BE?)

EMAIL: devonrexjj@gmail.com

FAMILY WEBSITE: www.dracorex.com ("Talk to the paw!")

DEREK'S WEBSITE: derekmillerdesign.com