Note
to Cat Numero Dos. The
Not-So-Deep South
Insert
cutesy Christmas image here ß December, 2012 (Year of
the Nogard)
Greetings to friends and kin
of the Miller-Younkin clan, as well as former friends and kin who have fallen
into disfavor and whom we forgot to take off our Christmas mailing list. Tis’
I, Duchess, back after a two-year absence, who again sends you these
salutations. No doubt you loyal readers who have been on the receiving end of
these epistles for the past few years are shocked but hopefully not dismayed at
once again finding yourself the subject of my spell-binding and most eloquent
prose. Didn’t I pass away back in 2010 you are no doubt asking yourself? Yes,
indeed I did and I am happy to report that all dogs do go to heaven, so the only
obvious conclusion you can draw is that this letter is being ghostwritten. And how, you
might ask, is that possible? To quote that great canine philosopher, Dog Cart, “I
think I think so I think I am since I think I am. I think,” or something to
that effect.
And why, you are no doubt
further asking yourself, have I resumed the responsibility for these letters
that in my absence were written (and I use the word written in its loosest sense) by Petronius (aka Pete, aka Cat
Numero Dos)? It seems the family has received numerous complaints since
Petronius took over, mostly along the lines of “What the…!,” “I can’t
understand a word the #&%*@! cat has typed,” “Never have I felt so insulted
regarding the cat’s disparaging reference to [fill in your favorite politician,
wacko cause, relative, movie, TV show, book, state, country, dessert, alcoholic
beverage, ethnic holiday, animal, plant, pet, celebrity, etc. here],” and so
forth. So by popular demand, I am back. Didn’t think it was possible? But this
is the season for positive belief, for hope, faith, charity, eggnog, for
remembrance of fond remembrances, for…well, you get the idea. Bottom line,
Pete’s been relegated to maintaining the family website (which explains why it
hasn’t been updated in like forever) and inserting the cutesy Christmas graphic
at the beginning of this letter.
I would be remiss if I did
not mention that for those of you who cannot get enough of my literary
articulacy, all of the Miller-Younkin (my) past Christmas letters are available
on the family website, at the specific link http://www.dracorex.com/home/letters/letter.shtml.
I feel compelled to point out
that I am still using the old, discontinued Model 2002 Canine Keyboard. There
was a poll taken last year as to whether the readers felt that Jim should shell
out some dough to upgrade the keyboard. The results of the poll were as
follows:
46% Ditch the
cat, bring back the mutt
59% Upgrade Jim
2% Huh?
Okay, before I forget, this
is a Christmas letter so let’s get the painfully dull, obligatory human news
update stuff out of the way.
The big news is that after 20
years of being a preschool teacher at CLC (which is short for See El See, see?),
Jean has ended her pedagogical career and retired, a decision I cannot
understand as if I had the choice of spending several hours a day surrounded by
3-year olds or being at home with two dumb cats—well, need I go on? Anyway,
Jean has resumed her artistic endeavors, especially by taking classes in
watercolor technique, is gearing up for some knock-your-socks-off quilting, and
is planning on expanding the capacity of the missile silo Jim installed a few
years ago in the backyard. (It’s what classical liberals do.)
Derek is halfway through his
very successful second year at Purdue (home of the foil-makers or something
like that—I just don’t get schools that don’t have animal or Indian mascots) in
pursuit of a Master of Fine Arts degree in set design (see his efforts at http://derekmillerdesign.com/), having
designed the sets for “The Beauty Queen of Leenane,” “A Midsummer Night’s
Dream” (which Jean and Jim had the thrill of seeing firsthand), and next year’s
tragic production of “Medea,” (that is, the production is a tragedy, not that it’s tragic) all while maintaining a 26-hour
a day schedule.
Devon’s career as a
professional firespinner is on temporary hold as she spent the summer building
a nuclear aircraft carrier at the Newport News Shipyard, (who would have ever
thought that the little girl I knew would end up working in a shipyard?) before
returning to NC State (home of the Wolfies—animal name, see how much better
that works) to finish her masters degree in Nukie after which she’ll return to
the shipyard. Naturally mom and dad are excited that she’ll be so close to
home.
Jim made another stab at
part-time retirement when his contractor position with Dominion Virginia Power
(home of the “Fighting Nukies”) expired in January, but ended up instead
transitioning from part-time pedagogue to full-time pedagogue at the
university. (Yes, I used to think that a pedagogue
was some kind of sick, twisted pervert, but when I looked it up, to my
surprise, I discovered I was right.) Alas, the mess laid pains of rats and
men…or whatever.
Yes, it’s that time of year
again and this family is ahead of schedule (for once). The tree is up, the
outside decorations are down (Jim’s still playing with his new leaf blower so
who knows when or if that will happen), and the Christmas platform is up,
photos of which (with attempted witty captions) are scheduled to be posted on
the family website, direct link being http://www.dracorex.com/xmas12/xmas12.shtml
, but don’t hold your breath because that’s Pete’s department.
I would just like to close
with saying IT IS GOOD TO BE BACK and wishing you and yours from the
Miller-Younkin clan, and especially all you critters out there, the doggone bestest
of Christmases, Hanukkah, holidays, or whatever celebration you may celebrate,
and as always a most joyful gnu year, especially to all you gnus reading this.
P.S. As always, here again are our vital
sadistics:
Address:
Phone: 804-741-9973 (cats standing by)
e-mail:
devonrexjj@gmail.com
Family website: www.dracorex.com (“Talk to the paw!”)
Derek’s website: derekmillerdesign.com