Note
to the AWIT. The Not-So-Deep South
Insert
cutesy Christmas image here ß December,
2009 (Year of the Ox)
Greetings to friends and kin
of the Miller-Younkin clan, as well as former friends and kin twice-or-thrice
removed whom we forgot to take off our Christmas mailing list.
An apology
to our loyal readers. As many of you who have followed my Christmas
letters over 13 past Christmases might know, I, the Webmistress,
am getting up there in doggie years. In
last year’s epistle I mentioned turning this honored task over to a successor and
retiring to a well deserved—well, eh, retirement. The logical choice for my successor was the
AWIT (Assistant Webmaster in Training), Petronius. Unfortunately Petronius is a CAT, and being
such—well, you no doubt recall the saying about trying to herd cats. Then again, we never thought much of that
saying since cats don’t live in herds but are solitary—but I digress. Where was I?
When I approached the other cat, Zeus, about doing it, I was met with hysterical
laughter. So Petronius, the AWIT has
assumed the duties of writing our Christmas letters. You know, AWIT’s an
interesting word. If you scramble the
letters you get WAIT and WIT (if you ignore the A) and almost get TWIT, not to
mention TAWI (which I guess I just mentioned—you know, not to mention is a thoroughly pointless phrase) which transcribed
in ancient Egyptian means “a plague of aardvarks on your mother-in-law,” not to
be confused with the obscure Hittite deity TAWWI who was the patron saint of
acronyms. Anyway, as with last year’s
Christmas letter, I notice that one task given to the AWIT of inserting a
cutesy Christmas picture at the top of this letter has again gone unfulfilled.
To get to the point, I have
attempted to have Petronius write this letter, and the farthest he got was a
rough draft. Since it’s all we have and
it’s time to mail the Christmas cards, this is the best we can do this
year. Sorry about that, but I’m sure
you’ll agree it’s the thought that counts.
And might I add to all you readers out there who have complained about
my letters, you are about to get your just deserts desserts. Serves you right. So without further goo-goo ado, here’s
Pete’s draft. And as
Sponge Bob Square Pants would say, “Good luck with that.”
JEl;;;;;;;;lU kdk & #!@*%$! KEY BORED! KRETINGS TO FIENDS
AN KIN OF DE MULLA
YONKIN CAN
EAR IS A LITTLE PO-M
I RITE
KATS
R GUD
KATS
R GRATE
UNLIKE
DOGS
HO
R INGRATES
Huh? Stop messing around and get on with the
letter. OK
OK
LAST CHRISTMAS DEVIN, GENE AN KIM WENT AN SAW
DERIK IN LOONEYVILLE WHERE DERIK PUTS UP LITES, TERNS ON LITES, TERNS OFF LITES
AN TAKES DOWN LITES AT A THEETA. DERIK B
LEAVES ONE GUD TERN DE SWERVES A NUTHER.
DERIK DID DE LIGHTNING DESIGN FOR A GNU VOICES PLAY FAST T BILL. HE IS LERN IN TO PAY DA DRUMS AND BOTHA DA
NAY BORES.
LAST SUMMA DERIK AN
DEVIN FELL OUTTA PLANE BUTT WER OK KAUS DEY HAV PARROT CUTES.
DEVIN IS A STEW DENT OF MEK
GENE FEEDS US AN TAKES
DA BIG BLAK FURRY ONE FUR WALKS AN TEETHERS LITTLE PEOPLE STILL.
KIM JIM TORTORED STEW DENTS DIS SUMMA WIT NUK
LAR WE ACT THOR FEAR WE.
ZOOSE IS MY HERO. I WORE SHIP DA LITTA BOX HE P’S IN.
DUCK CHEESE IS A DOG. ENUFF SAD A BOT DAT.
DID EYE KOV
WE
WIST U DE WERY BEST MARY CHRISTMAS AN A HARPY GNU YARE.
P
P.P.S. Here again are
our vital sadistics:
Address:
Phone: 804-741-9973 (operators standing by)
e-mail:
devonrexjj@gmail.com
Family
website: www.dracorex.com (“Talk
to the paw!”)
Derek’s website:
derekmillerdesign.com