Note to the AWIT.

Insert cutesy Christmas image here ß The Not-So-Deep South

December, 2008 (Year of the Rat)

Greetings friends, associates and kin of the Miller-Younkin clan including kin who are also friends,

Once again, I, Duchess, numero uno canine of the Miller-Younkin clan, take keyboard in paw to pound out my 13^th annual Christmas letter, which you have no doubt been awaiting with baited breath. By coincidence I am now 13 in human years. As such I am giving serious thought to retirement and turning over this onerous task to a successor. Besides I figure being the webmistress of the family website as well as being in charge of varmint control of the backyard and home security is duty enough for any canine, especially for one who has reached her 13^th year of puppyhood. But to whom or what (as the case may be) shall I turn over this sacred duty? That is the question. Ya’ll no doubt thinking that Petronius, the AWIT (assistant webmaster in training), would be the obvious choice. However, may I point out that the AWIT is a (gasp, choke) CAT! Besides, have you seen any of the web pages I let the AWIT create? Case closed. You will no doubt have to wait with baited breath (or is that bated breath?) until next year for the answer. (Hehehe—ain’t I a stinker?)

By now a few of you out there have no doubt realized that my bid for the presidency was unsuccessful. Apparently many of you did not understand my campaign slogan, “It takes a newspaper to raise a puppy,” nor appreciate the merits of my platform regarding the forced emigration of cats. All I can say is that you will well deserve what you’re about to get which will be an obamanation.

Okay, on to family business.

Last Christmas the family less Derek, who stayed behind to keep me company (what a guy!), traveled north to Jennifer’s for a pre-Christmas Christmas celebration with Jean’s kin. My vote for the best Christmas present of last year was one from Derek on neurotic cats. (Hmm, is that redundant?) Second place was the Sponge Bob Lego set Jim received from Derek.

First off, Derek is no longer a Hokie, although “once a Hokie always a Hokie” and since I still don’t know what a Hokie is, I’m not even sure why I bring it up. But I digress. In May Derek graduated from Virginia Tech Magna Cum Laude which is Lower Bulgarian (is there an Upper Bulgaria?) for “all praise latte” or something like that. Last winter he did the set design for the play Abingdon Square performed by the VA Tech Theatre (note the more eloquent spelling of theater) Arts department. Later in the semester he produced Chaos, a play without actors (???). Before they released him and recognized him as a bachelor (which I thought was kind of obvious) they also gave him the Helen Hayes award. (And no doubt the younger readers out there are asking themselves, “Helen who?”) He is now a stage electrician in good standing at the Actors Theatre of Louisville which, by coincidence, is located in Louisville where he continues to play Texas Hold’em (there’s a casino across the river in Indiana) and has even tried his hand at the alleged sport of golf. In September, Louisville and the surrounding area lost power for about a week. Rumor has it that the power blackout was the result of a wiring snafu at the Actors Theatre (see stage electrician reference above). The family (less yours truly and the cats) is planning to celebrate Christmas at Derek’s place in Louisville. Oh, yeah, be sure to visit Derek’s website at derekmillerdesign.com (that was a paid announcement).

Devon is in her second year at Virginia Commonwealth University (VCU for short) whose football team is still undefeated and will remain so until the university starts a football program. Devon’s engineering sorority was kicked off campus on a technicality. I believe it was something along the lines of refusing to recognize the authority of the campus administration to not recognize them. She continues to be very busy with studying engineering, FIRST robotics volunteering (she’s no longer building them—at least for the time being), keeping the State Police supplied with telecommunications (long story, it’s a summer, part-time job), fire-spinning (also known as playing with fire), archery, board gaming, to mention some of her activities, not to mention being a teaching assistant next semester (on second thought, I guess I did mention it), all on the path to being a mechanical engineer, assuming that the federal government doesn’t outlaw the profession in the meantime along with all other productive activities (after all, productive stuff doesn’t need to be subsidized or bailed out).

This summer Jean and Jim again attended the Younkin Family Reunion in Somerset, PA and Devon and Derek didn’t as they were working for a living. The highlight of the reunion was brother-in-law Larry’s unanimous reelection as president of the Younkin Family Reunion, and he’s not even a Younkin. What gives? I ran for president and got nothing.

Then Jim and Jean headed north again for a quick visit with Jim’s kin (Jack and Diane—hmm, catchy lyrics for a song) and the World Boardgaming Championships in Lancaster where Devon joined them (did we mention Derek was working?) Naturally family members did other trips throughout the year, the key common denominator of which was that I stayed home.

Jean continues to mold little minds at the Second Baptist Creative Learning Center and will probably continue to do so until the new régime completes the destruction of education in America. Jim continues to be retired, but now only part time as, just when he thought he was done with engineering nuclei, they pulled him back in, or partway back in to be more exact.

Oh, and Petronius has reminded me (cats, what a nuisance) that I’ve failed to mention his good buddy and fellow cat Zeus, so—Zeus. (There, you satisfied?)

As I'm running out of both dog treats and space I guess it’s time to wish you and yours the very best Christmas ever and a wonderful new year, and to remind you again of that important bit of canine wisdom: cats is a four-letter word, but dog is only three.

P.S. We occasionally receive some feedback on these Christmas letters, usually in the form of a complaint that the letters make no sense. I think it says a lot that all such complaints have been from human readers, and never canine. I rest my case.

P.P.S. Here again are our vital sadistics:

Address: 204 Tamarack Road, Richmond, VA 23229

Phone: 804-741-9973 (operators standing by)

e-mail: devonrexjj@gmail.com (new address!)

website: www.dracorex.com (“Talk to the paw!”)